Christmas and Choices and Training.... oh my.

Oh Christmas... How fun and exciting you are. And tempting. Damn you temptations!

Most times, and as I'd assume it would be for most this time of year, the temptations with the sweets, all the starches, all the FOOD abounds. I was tempted, so many times... and gave in. I mean, the ham, the dressing, the potatoes and sugar cookies... It was hard. I did eat. I had to. I knew, however, that I could not go crazy.

I am happy to report, that I did not go crazy. Did I "cheat"? Yes. But I did not go overboard. Hooray!

Small victory.

I was SO scared that I'd blown my efforts and that I had gained all the weight back. Call me crazy, because I know that it is impossible to regain 30 pounds in a 4-5 day time frame. But I felt like my snacking was going to kick me in the end. Without getting into details, let's just say my body was not happy. The good news, it's like my body is so accustomed to the good stuff I've been feeding it, that when I happened to overindulge, I was quick to notice that I didn't need to do it again.

And then, I came back home. And my trainer called me. And I thought "Well, I can't lie to her... or myself." I decided to just go ahead, bite the bullet and make an appointment for this morning to see her.

The good news? I weighed the same as I did a week ago before the Christmas holiday! The EXACT same.... down to the ounce. I was ecstatic! Would I have preferred to lose something, well of course... but I hadn't gained so that's a plus!

This morning I also decided to REALLY kick off the at home exercise routine I had been given to retrain my metabolism. It.kicked.my.butt. Hard.

The sad thing is that the training is to get my heart rate going, get my metabolism retrained to actually DO something and get my body moving. It's no more than jogging in place, jumping jacks and other simple exercises to complete at home to get the heart rate going. Additionally, I have strength training to complete like wall push ups (which are harder than I thought they could be), bicep curls, toe touches, crunches... all with resistance bands and weights.

Most of the retraining is mental. I can definitely say that without hesitation. AND while I'm going on the record, this retraining was only the 2nd time I had completed it. Shame on me. I had the HARDEST time with those ten pound weights and the curls and the lifts and the touches, and, my arms... my arms, are still like jello.

I suppose in my desire for change I need to feel it hurt. I understand how backwards that is and how I don't need to strain or injure myself. And, maybe it will come... because earlier, my legs weren't burning or like jello... but now, oh... my... Maybe the crunches from this morning will kick in later?

My rambling for today is mostly due to the fact that I have SO much going on in my head.

Closing Thoughts:

1. I want a salad.

2. I'm looking forward to meeting back with the trainer on Friday.

3. MUST.KEEP.MOVING

4. I really need a sports bra.

5. Protein powder - to buy or not to buy?

THAT girl

I have always.always.always been THAT girl.

You know the one.

The one that tries to have it all together... that goes out... that is as sociable as possible... who does her best at everything she attempts to accomplish.

But I'm that girl... who also... well, is fat.

Let's just be honest. I'm the fat friend. I mean, that's just how it's been.

I'm not necessarily happy about that fact. But it's something that I've been for most of my life. I was never a "normal" size. I was always bigger than my friends, my classmates, girls my age/height.

It bothered me sometimes... I mean, I have feelings. But, I think the part that bugged me the most was when people didn't think I knew that I was fat. It's not like I've never owned a mirror. It's not like I never had to go to a special store or section to buy clothes to fit me. I just kind of came to some place where I was complacent. I was ok with who I was... and if you weren't then (I would think...) who needs you!

I graduated college. I got a job. I got a different job. I got a new car. I got another degree. I was in a bad relationship. I got out of said relationship. I started new degree. I got in a better relationship. I was pretty happy.

Then, I started looking at myself. I started looking at all the money that I ended up throwing down the drain each month because I was not going to a gym I was paying for. I started being affected when I saw pictures of me with dear friends at weddings, at parties and just in general.

I knew it was time for a change.

I've been a yo-yo dieter for YEARS.

Literally, years.

Before I knew it I was eating lower fat, reading everything I ate, eating more fruits and veggies and after some diligence, completely stopped drinking soft drinks.

I decided then, to actually make use of the money I was spending every month on the gym and a little over 2 weeks ago I signed up for a fitness program with the gym. (More to come on that in another post.)

This has been the best two weeks of my life... as far as getting it in order goes. Let's just take a comparison.

This was taken October 2011 -- so just a little over two months ago.

This photo is from the other night. The string I'm holding is a visual representation of the 27.5 inches that I have lost in the past 2 weeks with just changing my eating habits and following my gym program. You can tell in my face for sure that I'm losing and a little in my chest and arms.

So this is where I am. I have a visualization of what/who I want to be. I want obtainable change and I know that with perseverance and the support system I'm thankful to have, I will.not.fail. this time.